


Love is When You Are by My Side

by SlashyUnicorn



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Angst, Happy Ending, Insecurity, M/M, Self Confidence Issues, Self depreciation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-24
Updated: 2017-01-24
Packaged: 2018-09-19 16:54:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9451100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlashyUnicorn/pseuds/SlashyUnicorn
Summary: You’re sitting by yourself, drinking ale by at the other side of the fire, because Alistair is currently talking with Oghren, looking vaguely amused but horrified at whatever the dwarf is talking about. You stare at him, wrinkling his eyebrows in that cute way as you lost yourself in your own thoughts. Filled with how sinful he will look tonight when he moaned in your embrace, so in contrast at how innocent he was when you first met him and when he’s around other people. And that’s when he turn around, as if noticing your stare, and he look into your eyes, smiling fondly and just—You froze. Realization bloom on your chest. Astonishing. Overwhelming.It’s simple, really. The fact that you are justso, very much in love with Alistair.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I admit, this fic is totally self-indulgent. So if anyone out there actually stumble across this fic (which I doubt, since DAO fandom is quite old), I'm so sorry. 
> 
> Also, I haven't edited this yet. Oops.

You’re sitting by yourself, drinking ale by at the other side of the fire, because Alistair is currently talking with Oghren, looking vaguely amused but horrified at whatever the dwarf is talking about. You stare at him, wrinkling his eyebrows in that cute way as you lost yourself in your own thoughts. Filled with how sinful he will look tonight when he moaned in your embrace, so in contrast at how innocent he was when you first met him and when he’s around other people. And that’s when he turn around, as if noticing your stare, and he look into your eyes, smiling fondly and just—

You froze. Realization bloom on your chest. Astonishing. Overwhelming.

It’s simple, really. The fact that you are just _so, very much in love with Alistair._

The jokester. The virgin. The naïve Chantry boy. But at the same time also the warrior. The one who guided you with unending patience into the Warden world, even when he barely understands it himself. The fierce friend, mentor, and lover.

He laughed at your bad jokes. He taught you to play wicked grace. He held you in his arms, silently and with understanding when you’re most vulnerable.

You just _can’t_ hold yourself back.

You stride towards him, fast, as fast as you can. He looks alarmed, eyes looking around. Alert, always alert and ready despite what everyone (mostly Morrigan) think.

“Is something wro—“

And you—you kissed him. It’s all you can do. Overwhelmed by emotions and love.

Kissing with all your might, you pour out your feelings and just everything inside. Vaguely, you can hear moans and groans and you think it’s just Alistair. He is the most vocal out of you both. It’s him, yes, but it has combined with yours as well, creating the sounds that you just want to listen forever, like it’s just you and him in this world. No darkspawn to kill. No Old God to slain.

You keep going, ignoring Oghren’s disgusted squawk and Morrigan’s groan of ‘ _get a room! Or tent! I don’t care, just go_!’

Eventually you can hear faint sounds of the rest of your party going back to each of their tent, (reluctantly) giving both of you space. You pulled back, breathing hard from the lack of air, but you can’t resist giving one last kiss to Alistair red-kissed lips.

When you look up at him, Alistair looks surprised, sure, but there’s a healthy amount of flush to his cheeks, and his face is crimson, all the way from the tip of his ears to the bottom of his neck. He seems at lost on what to say.

Enclosing his cheeks with your gloved hands (one made from soft ram leather that he bought for your birthday), pressing your forehead together and just…breathe. Inhaling his scents, of wood and stone (little trinkets that _you_ gave for his birthday), trying to calm your frantic heartbeat down enough so you can say what you need to say.

“I love you.”

A short silence filled the air between you. Then a small gasp. Alistair letting out shaky breath that he has been holding. You both certainly flirt excessively and fucked like rabbits, but neither of you ever say anything out loud. Anything more than a simple fun and go is just too risky. One moment you could be drinking wine and relaxing under the starry sky and the next the whole party is under the command of tainted Gods as a darkspawn.

A fate worse than death.

But at this moment, you didn’t care about those things. At this moment, you just need—Alistair. In this short, quiet moment, he is your everything. And you won’t let it continue to be unspoken.

“I—“ it shouldn’t be possible,  but he looks even more surprised—shocked, at your confession.

 _Ah. That is why._ Your heart constricts in your chest. It is done, you understand. Deep down you know it’ll happen. Years of disappointment taught you to never expect something to happen like you want it to.

Home. Family. Circle. Warden. Love.

Shaking your head, you pushed Alistair’s shoulder with your trembling hands. “No, you don’t have to say anything. I understand.” You gave your best smile. A smile that has fooled everyone you want it to fool. From parent to siblings. From best friends to loved ones. “I—“ You looked away. It is as if a lump has taken its place on your throat and cutting off your air.

You clear your throat. “I’m sorry.”

Alistair frowned, and is that a little bit of anger that you see in his eyes? Maker, even then he was the most beautiful thing that ever happen in your life. You wouldn’t mind for this moment to freeze forever. Just you, and Alistair, lock in an almost embrace.

He pushed your body further apart, and you ignore a little twinge on your chest that feels like a disappointment. This is fine. This is to be expected.

Inside your heart burns with the worst anticipation. Your skin longed for more of his touch. For more of his kind smile and witty jokes that can make you laugh even when you are at your lowest.

Alistair, he’s—he’s giving you _that_ look. A look that _usually_ is not directed at you, but at Morrigan or Loghain or even that merchant in Denerim that tried to sell you both counterfeit sword. A look that said he’s so done with your shit. You try to hold back from painfully gritting your teeth. Your Circle training kicks in. _No, Amell, you can’t give away your weakness._

“I’ll be honest here. I don’t know what you _think_ you understand, but _no_ , _Amell_ , I’m pretty sure you don’t understand a single thing.”

You sigh. You really don’t want to argue right now. “Alistair—“

He cuts you off with a kiss, silencing your protest. It’s just a short kiss, a bit deeper than a peck on the lips, but not as deep as you would like it to be. Shit, not again. You fucked everything up. Again. Now he’s going to pull away, and everything you built on the short times you have been together will be ruined, all because of you.

Maybe he’ll say ‘I’m just gonna say, this isn’t what I signed up for. I’m all for tumble and fun’ or maybe he’ll just stood there awkwardly, stealing reluctance glance at your direction, just like after a kiss you had with that Templar that you had a crush on in the Circle.

_When you always fall for something you can’t have…_

This time, Alistair sighed. He gives another peck on your lips, then moving to your forehead, your nose, your cheeks, your hair. Giving each of them a soft kiss, murmuring ‘love you’ and ‘love you so, so much’ while at it.

His final journey seemed to be your lips, as he kissed you passionately like he always does, with his clumsy, unexperienced way that leave you breathless every time. He looked into your eyes, forcing you, gently, to look right into his eyes. “ _Listen to me_ ,” and you unconsciously chew your lips, a bad habit giving away your nervousness every time, each only in front of Alistair. “I _love_ you, you impossible, stupid, amazing man.” Then he hugs you tightly, his hands straying to your back, slowly caressing it in a calming way. “And I never, _never_ , you hear me? regret every single moment I spend with you.”

You bite your lips further. Tears threatened to fall down your cheeks but your hold them back. Short breaths, and not even Alistair warm touch managed to calm down the storm of _feelings_ and _happiness_ and _relief_ inside of you.

You grip the back of Alistair’s tunic, trying to ground yourself, kissing the side of his head and nuzzling his neck to avoid having to turn and looking back at the love of your eyes with wet eyes.

Alistair was raised in the Chantry. He was raised to be a Templar. When you first met, you thought he was your typical righteous city boy, unjustly judgmental towards mages. You thought, being good acquaintance with him, let alone best friend, would be a miracle (even when he’s entirely your type. Naïve. Kind. Unreachable)

This is…more than miracle. This is heaven.

You could die, right here, right now, in Alistair’s arms, and you won’t have any regrets.

Unconsciously, your body inclined towards him, towards the hands on your hips, and the heat flowing to you from his whole body. The cold night is still young, and Alistair is warm. You can’t help yourself. You bury your face in the crook of his neck, grateful that he let you leech the comfort off him.

When you are calm enough, you look up to Alistair concerned eyes, not realizing you basically sit on his lap right now, you see for once with a clear perspective, how much _he_ is in love with _you_. If eyes are a window to someone’s soul, Alistair’s eyes are a gateway. He never conceals anything that he feels. And you wonder how you could be so blind to his affections.

“Are you okay?”

You let out your breath. Once, twice. And you nodded, kissing Alistair softly on his lips.

“I am now.”

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone wants to know (you probably don't, but eeeh), my Warden is a red head mage with intricate tattoos on both of his cheeks named Dylan Amell. I use mod so he can romance Alistair, and even marry him and become his 'Queen' yeaaaah.
> 
> Talk more Dragon Age thingy with me at @harukaryuumaou if you want.


End file.
